Onward and Upward….

So I reached another small milestone today. I turned another year older and like I said, I wasn’t going to sit around and wallow in my self pity over having to go through a process that no matter how we try to stifle, is going to happen. I came to a rather sad realization today though that got me to thinking. I spoke with my ex husband, not a ritual I engage much these days. As our lives have grown in different directions, we have finally become the stereo-typical dvorced couple that now only communicates with each other when it comes to dealing with our children. For the general public that probably seems like a normal reaction to being divorced, but to know us, you would think otherwise. After my divorce, my ex and I remained close, even living together for nearly five years. We still did everything together, probably confusing people for the most part. For whatever reason, the situation worked for us at the time. We always promised that no matter who or what happened into our lives that we would never lose the friendship that took so long to build. These days, there is a major disconnect though and I have come to realize that like the seasons, people and promises change. While he did send me a quick text to wish me a happy birhtday, the conversation was quick. He mentioned how he wanted to say something sarcastic and smart ass about me getting older but wasn’t sure about how I was handling this birthday. To his surprise, I let him know that I was feeling blessed and actually in a good mood today. Then he said something that shocked me. This year for his birthday, he also celebrated with a party and enjoyed himself. All this brings me to the huge light bulb that lit up while talking to him. So many years together, we spent brooding over getting another year older, so many Christmas’ we both spent Bah humbugging. It seems to me that my ex and I brought out the worst in each other. All of a sudden we find ourselves in new relationships, with new people and our demeanor towards things we once felt so sour about have done complete 180’s. How could I have lived so many years of my life so unhappy?  How could I have allowed myself to live so long feeling that way? I guess the simple answer to my question is that everything happens for a reason. I had to go through that first journey, or chapter of my life to bring me to this chapter. Sometimes we have to go through some difficult patches in life so that when we get to the really good stuff, we know how to take hold of it and appreciate it. I know now, that I will not ever allow any one person or thing control how I feel. Life is good. My life is good. And I’m not going to forget that!

Have a wonderful day!

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