Taking One For the Team

Good morning bloggers! It has been a while since I last posted. The last year has been an incredibly busy one. I started working again. Only to find that I am not cut out for this job. It once seemed like a good idea. It once seemed like a passion of mine, but a few years later and a few years to grow and I have realized that I was not cut from the “educators” mold. While I have enjoyed the last few months, I do not think I will be returning next year. The school year has also been incredibly busy with graduation soon approaching and my fortuitous luck to be the parent of a graduating senior of the class of 2014. It’s funny, we wait all their lives for them to be 18 and for this wonderful momentous day to arrive but then when it really does get here, we start to stress and we start to feel the pressure of having a young adult upon us. If I can just give you one piece of advice, if you have children, start saving now because senior year will sneak up on you and rip your bank account in two. If I had better prepared myself for this one single year, I might not be so stressed at this point.

But I digress, and life goes on. I have a few more days of the stress of graduation to deal with not to mention to flowing of family that will be making its way to my neck of the woods, when my mother decides to drop a bomb on me so huge that it could wipe out the southern hemisphere. Ok, so that could be reaching a little into the over dramatic, but none the less, the bomb was dropped. After 40 years of marriage, my mom wants to leave my father. I can’t say that I am at all surprised. I mean, this isn’t something that I never saw coming. My mom had not been happy in their marriage for a very long time. There was actually a time when I had begged and pleaded with my mom to leave him. So there is a history. Do I fault my mother for finally coming to the realization that she deserves to have a life? No, I can’t say that I do. For too many years, I tried to make her understand that she was either going to have to let go of the past or let go of the life that she had grown so accustomed to. It was never easy for her. I spent a lot of time growing up trying to understand her. I also spent a lot of time hating my father, and then later trying to rebuild a relationship with him thinking that things could change and we could be a regular family. Unfortunately, it seems that you can not teach an old dog new tricks. Maybe this is just the way it’s supposed to be. I keep thinking to myself, why couldn’t she have just left when we were kids. It might have been easier. I can’t understand why I feel like it’s worse now to know that my family is breaking up. Is it possible that it is harder to understand when we are older? And why is it that my mom thinks that I will be ok. She’s more worried for my brother and how he will deal with it, but knows that I will handle it and “be ok”. Really mom? I guess all my years of burying my feelings way down deep has paid off so that the rest of the world just believes that I don’t feel anything anymore. Maybe that’s why my kids think they can be brutally honest with me and not think twice about hurting my feelings because hey! Mom doesn’t have any.

I feel like I am in a no win situation here. I will have to buck up and put on my big girl panties and try not to break down for just one more week. And that week will turn into a month, and then a year. I will just bottle up my feelings and carry on.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

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