….And so it goes….

Life that is. It’s funny when you think about it. You always assume your life is going to work out one way and then one day it doesn’t. I thought I knew better than to count on anything. Somewhere along the way I let stupid in and lost myself. It’s the same old story. Girl meets boy. Girl loses all sense of self. Only problem is, this time, girl grew up quicker than boy. It probably happens in most cases but now it’s different. Things are different. What I once thought was my forever is fading. It’s fading so fast that it’s all a blur. Every time we fight, I lose a little piece of us. A piece of my heart that was once reserved for us forever is no more. Things will never be the same. I don’t know if it’s just been one argument too many, or too many hurtful things said, or not enough change to fix the problem. Maybe it’s the “I didn’t realize there was even a problem.” I have been living blindly … oblivious, unaware that my supposed other half was unhappy. Funny how that works. We once had such an open communication in our relationship. Or at least I thought we did. I guess that was the trick to it working out. I thought we were happy, unbeknownst to me that he was having all sorts of issues. He was letting them all bubble up deep down inside. And not for nothing but I guess subconsciously I have also been keeping things to myself. Maybe it’s the selfish me. Maybe the it’s controlling me… since I seem to be both of those. I’m not sure what hurts the most, hearing those things, or finally just admitting that I probably am… and it’s time to move on. I’m getting older. I don’t have time for games. I don’t want to play them. I wanted to find my forever person. But as time goes on, I am starting to realize that he doesn’t exist. I guess this is enough for now. I’m sure tomorrow will bring on a whole other slew of emotions to write about… so until then…. Goodnight….

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